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For reasons that I would rather not go into, going to a hospital is not an option. I have an incredibly wide array of knives several pairs of needle nose pliers. I have gauze, medical tape, needles and thread, magnets, alcohol, peroxide, bleach, hypodermic needles and powerful painkillers. I have some rough idea of how stitch myself up, but I'd better get the thing out first. The wound is to my left shoulder. I still have full range of motion and my bones seem to be intact. I'm still bleeding, so I sooner is better than later.
Hypothetical situation by the way...